Smoke and clouds

I wish my life was another. I wish id be american. I wish I had a truck and id go to school with you. Id pick you up every morning and give you a kiss. We’d ride in my orange magma truck to school, listening to my summer playlist, singing on top of our voices, smiling, enjoying life. After school, we’d go to the beach to surf and tan in the warm June sun. We’d hold hand and walk down the beach. We’d go to the ice house and have Oreo ice cream. On weekends, we’d spend most of our time at your house, watching tv or playing soccer in your yard. It’d be a nice life. It’d be summer all the time. We’d live barefoot, tanned, only wearing shorts and thirsts. After our studies, we’d open a restaurant some place warm and spend our lives slowly, with no worries of the past or the future. Living day by day, minute by minutes with only haziness and ourselves. Thats how I want my life to be.

Last year, yesterday night, was the time I really got to meet you. It was in a little hostel in Conway NH. The exchange student ski trip :) We went there in different cars. I was with max the whole time, following the minivan inside of which you were, having fun with everybody. I remember Lauritz telling you he would teach you how to ski. Haha right. After the first night, we went skiing. This was february 14th 2010. We first met on the ski lift, we laughed at my stupid jokes.. then once we went back to the hostel, we had a valentines day game. We spent the night laughing, making noises with carrots, being silly playing with conversation hearts. Sorry, im gay :p the we watched a movie. Some girl was curled up against me, while you were sleeping in Lenny’s arms. I was really jealous. We skied together the next day, was really fun :) I got your number a few days later. I was happy I got to meet you. and here it is. Can you believe this love? We be almost been dating for a whole year. Will be it in a week, once you’ll be with me, and well laugh again, and ski :) I love you Conney bunny <3

I miss the time I used to wake up by your side every morning, your messy hair, your enthusiastic “Good morning”, our lazy days watching tv, talking about our life. I miss all the things we used to do in the summer and in the winter. But it’ll happen again. Its only a matter of time now. I love you <3

“When I go home, I will sate longer.” When I go, by Emancipator

I’ve never felt that way before. Seems like everything is colder, emptier than ever. Its like being thrown like a rock in a freezing pond, never being able to see the surface again, trapped by the ice. I don’t know yet what this feeling it. I bet thousand of people feel that way too. Empty. My life’s fading away. Every breath that I take hurts, and makes me feel my heart kicking my chest from the inside. Wake up. Its no dream. Its called life.